OK, so, here's a thought to start out your Friday. They say "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", but, my roommate and I say "the road to hell is paved with justifications."

We came up with this a couple of weeks ago while talking about going to church the next morning. I remember saying something like, "Well, I'll see how I feel in the morning. If I don't feel well, I won't go." And then, it kind of hit us. How often have you made a justification for not doing something you should do? And, at the time, it seems fine. But, small things make a big impact in the long run. I have found, as I make excuses not to go to church, it becomes easier and easier to make them every week. That's just a thought for all you out there.

Also, I have been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately. Heaven knows I'm not very good at it. It is one of my biggest struggles. The Savior said, "Do these things to the least of my brethren and ye do them to me. Do not do these things to the least of my brethren, and ye have not done them to me." For some reason, that really hit me yesterday. So, that means, if we don't forgive people, it's like not forgiving the Savior. How would that be? To do everything right in your life, but to not forgive someone of some petty wrong, and to make it to Heaven and be told you can't pass into the Celestial kingdom, because of that lack of forgiveness. It kind of puts a whole new perspective on things, doesn't it?

OK, so I usually try not to complain, or rant and rave about things, but, today I need to. Here are my pet peeves for the day:

-People who expect different results from doing the same damn thing over again. Anyone who has taken science can tell you, the same experiments almost always produce the same results.

-Boys who play games

-Girls who play games

-People who don't know what they want

-People who expect you to read their mind

-People who only talk to you on your birthday, or theirs

-Losing contact

-Not being able to put into words the way you really feel, and then feeling like an idiot for it

-Bad customer service

-Rude people



OK, I'm done ranting. Carry on. . .

Feedback for a song I wrote, please.

You Loved Me Anyway

I was lost and Lonely
Didn't understand your plan
I didn't know how you could do it
You were just a man

You loved me anyway
When I couldn't love myself
You were by my side
I am never alone

I was in the darkness
But you could still see me
You reached out your hand
Now I understand

You loved me anyway
When I couldn't love myself
You were by my side
I am never alone

I was blind, now I see
You brought out the Spirit in me

You loved me anyway
When I couldn't love myself
You were by my side
I am never alone

Well, I just heard the news on the radio. President Faust passed away this morning. Very sad. :( He will definitely be missed.

Another day, another dollar, right? Well, I just found out they are going to make my job even harder, and add on more stuff for me to do, but, no pay raise. Just, "Oh, you're going to learn to do Mel's job. New receptionist? Not yet. Just deal with it for a couple of months." Ha! Right! Like I don't have enough to do already. And, to top it all off, my computer sucks! It is sooooooooo slllllooooowwww.

Anyway. . . On to other news. . .

I think I'm becoming a totally different person. I mean, not literally. :) But, a lot of the things that used to bug me, don't bug me anymore, and a lot of the things that never would have bothered me in the past, almost bring me to tears. What is it with my life right now? I've been trying to be a better person. You know, going to church, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, and not watching rated "R" movies. But, I still can't explain how it's changing me. I'm sure it's a good thing.

Well, it's Wednesday morning, and, well, it feels like it should be Friday. It has been a long hard week already. Sad day, I still have two more days of work before I get a day of rest, plus a night of rehearsal. Oh well, anyway. . .

Those of you who read this blog often will note that I have had several dreams that were prophetic. I actually have them quite a lot, but I don't usually remember them until I have feelings of deja vu. Well, I had one of those dreams last night, I think. I don't want to be too personal on here, but, it involved a boy, and that's about all I'm going to say. It was one of those dreams that is so real that when you wake up, you don't realize it was just a dream until about the time you start eating your breakfast, or when you're halfway through your shower. And, I think a lot of you will know what I'm talking about.

Anywho. . . So, it's been kind of weird the past couple of days. I think I'm going through one of my "girly" phases. I wake up, and the first thing I think about is what I'm going to wear that day. If you know me, you know that is not me. I never care about what I'm wearing, or what I look like. But, this morning, I couldn't find the skirt I wanted to wear, and I almost cried. I mean, it's not like I don't have other black skirts, I just really wanted to wear this one. Usually, when I get up, the first thing I do is put my contacts in, then throw my hair in a pony tail, and then go and just grab the first clean clothes I can find. This morning I was almost late to work because I actually took time to style my hair, and pick out nice clothes. I just don't understand it. . . I feel exactly the same as I always did, but, it's like, inside, I'm starting to care what people think of me, which has never happened before. I've always been my own person, who wears what she wants, when she wants. Who cares if my clothes match or not? Certainly not me. But, apparently my sub-conscious cares. :P

Anyway. . . Moving on. I think that's all I need to rant about today.

So, it's been an odd couple of months. My last post was in Mid June, and quite a bit has happened since then. Anyone who reads this will note that I deleted that last post, and a couple others that it pertained to. I just didn't want that private part of my life out there anymore, you know?

Anyway, something interesting happened to me this morning. I signed in to gmail, like I do every morning, and I saw a link at the top of the page that interested me. Anyone who uses gmail knows that they post links to recent news stories on the top of the page, and, every so often, I click on one. The one this morning was about a shooting in Newark New Jersey. Four kids, not much younger than I, got shot. Three died almost instantly, and another is in the hospital in critical condition, after being shot in the head. I was reading this at my desk, and I just started crying. Now, I'm a pretty emotional person, and a lot of things will make me cry, but, this just hurt. They interviewed members of the victims families, and I just wanted to be there with them.

So much bad stuff has happened lately in our world. This was just the proverbial icing on the cake. I don't know, maybe I care too much, but, sometimes it's really hard to get up in the morning knowing that it's just going to be another day where something really bad will happen. Most of the time we all just live in our happy little worlds, not even knowing what is going on around us. I guess that what really makes me sad is the fact that, most of us haven't experienced any of these tragedies first hand, but a lot of us are walking around acting like we got the short end of the stick. Maybe I'm not married, but I'm alive, and I live a relatively good life. I have lots of friends who care about me. My family loves me.

The end is near, but, my end isn't.