OK, so, let's talk about my week this week.

So, Monday was actually a pretty good day. I, of course, worked all day, and then I had a show that night. The show went pretty well. My mom and Grandma came, and they really liked it. After, some friends came over and we watched Phantom of the Opera and ate ice cream.

Tuesday, also a pretty good day. At work, the owner came and started talking to me. I was kind of afraid it was going to be a "We'd really like you to leave" talk. Thankfully, it wasn't. He told me that they really like me, and started to talk to me about the new office we are moving into very soon. Also I'd say it was one of the most productive of the week. After work I went home and cleaned until about 11 with my roommate. We were getting a new roommate, so we wanted to make sure our apt looked nice, and that there was room for her in any of the bedrooms. (A side note on this day that will affect the rest of the week. During cleaning we had to unplug my alarm clock and move it. I plugged it back in and set the time.)

So, Wednesday morning dawned bright and early with me lying in my bed thinking about how rested I felt for not getting a lot of sleep. As I was laying there I was wondering what time it was and how long it would be before my alarm went off. So, I put on my glasses and looked at the clock, and I believe the first words out of my mouth were "What the crap? You've gotta be freakin' kidding me!" The clock said that it was 8:54, which means I was almost two hours late to work! Well, the first thing I did was get on my cell phone and call my supervisor. When I told her the story, she just laughed and told me that the same thing happened to her every morning. This made me feel a little better, but, I still was very frustrated. The day after Frank tells me they like me, I go and sleep in. But, because of the extra sleep, I did feel much better and more rested. I'll tell ya, though, I got ready so fast that morning. :)

OK, so, Thursday, all in all it wasn't really a bad day. That is, until I was on the phone with FedEx and started crying. I'm not exactly sure what set me off, but, as I was talking I could feel my face getting hot, and then I started crying. I had to hang up on the lady, and go into my supervisor's office, and she had to finish the call for me, because I couldn't even talk. That was so weird.

Anyway, it's Friday now, and we are about to enter in to a 3-day-weekend, and I'm stoked!

K, here is an article that describes me to a "t".

The Quirkyalone
Loners are the last true romantics
—By Sasha Cagen, To-Do List (www.todolistmagazine.com)
September/October 2000 Issue

I am, perhaps, what you might call deeply single. Almost never ever in a relationship. Until recently, I wondered if there might be something weird about me. But then lonely romantics began to grace the covers of TV Guide and Mademoiselle. From Ally McBeal to Sex in the City, a spotlight came to shine on the forever single. If these shows had touched such a nerve in our culture, I began to think, perhaps I was not so alone after all. The morning after New Year's Eve (another kissless one, of course), a certain jumble of syllables came to me. When I told my friends about my idea, their faces lit up with instant recognition: the quirkyalone.

If Jung was right, that people are different in fundamental ways that drive them from within, then the quirkyalone is simply to be added to the pantheon of personality types collected over the 20th century. Only now, when the idea of marrying at age 20 has become thoroughly passÈ, are we quirkyalones emerging in greater numbers.

We are the puzzle pieces who seldom fit with other puzzle pieces. Romantics, idealists, eccentrics, we inhabit single-dom as our natural resting state. In a world where proms and marriage define the social order, we are, by force of our personalities and inner strength, rebels.

For the quirkyalone, there is no patience for dating just for the sake of not being alone. We want a miracle. Out of millions, we have to find the one who will understand.

Better to be untethered and open to possibility: living for the exhilaration of meeting someone new, of not knowing what the night will bring. We quirkyalones seek momentous meetings.

By the same token, being alone is understood as a wellspring of feeling and experience. There is a bittersweet fondness for silence. All those nights alone--they bring insight.

Sometimes, though, we wonder if we have painted ourselves into a corner. Standards that started out high only become higher once you realize the contours of this existence. When we do find a match, we verge on obsessive--or we resist.

And so, a community of like-minded souls is essential. Since fellow quirkyalones are not abundant (we are probably less than 5 percent of the population), I recommend reading the patron saint of solitude: German poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Even 100 years after its publication, Letters to a Young Poet still feels like it was written for us: "You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to break out of it," Rilke writes. "People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of easy, but it is clear that we must hold to that which is difficult."

Rilke is right. Being quirkyalone can be difficult. Everyone else is part of a couple! Still, there are advantages. No one can take our lives away by breaking up with us. Instead of sacrificing our social constellation for the one all-consuming individual, we seek empathy from friends. We have significant others.

And so, when my friend asks me if being quirkyalone is a life sentence, I say, yes, at the core, one is always quirkyalone. But when one quirkyalone finds another, oooh la la. The earth quakes.

Well, I had another dream last night. I don't think it's prophetic in any way this time, but, it was really weird. Part of the dream involved people I work with right now. One of them was one of my bosses. In my dream he was EVIL. He locked us in the basement at my work (which, by the way, doesn't exist in real life) and tried to kill us. In my dream I swore at him. I called him something I have never called someone to their face. It was really odd. Also, this boy that I work with that I enjoy looking at was in the dream, too. And, in the dream, we were friends. :) Side note about that, this morning when he came in to work, he smiled at me a lot bigger than usual.

The moral of this story: I think I need to start going to bed earlier and getting more restful sleep.

OK, so, here's a thought to start out your Friday. They say "the road to hell is paved with good intentions", but, my roommate and I say "the road to hell is paved with justifications."

We came up with this a couple of weeks ago while talking about going to church the next morning. I remember saying something like, "Well, I'll see how I feel in the morning. If I don't feel well, I won't go." And then, it kind of hit us. How often have you made a justification for not doing something you should do? And, at the time, it seems fine. But, small things make a big impact in the long run. I have found, as I make excuses not to go to church, it becomes easier and easier to make them every week. That's just a thought for all you out there.

Also, I have been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately. Heaven knows I'm not very good at it. It is one of my biggest struggles. The Savior said, "Do these things to the least of my brethren and ye do them to me. Do not do these things to the least of my brethren, and ye have not done them to me." For some reason, that really hit me yesterday. So, that means, if we don't forgive people, it's like not forgiving the Savior. How would that be? To do everything right in your life, but to not forgive someone of some petty wrong, and to make it to Heaven and be told you can't pass into the Celestial kingdom, because of that lack of forgiveness. It kind of puts a whole new perspective on things, doesn't it?

OK, so I usually try not to complain, or rant and rave about things, but, today I need to. Here are my pet peeves for the day:

-People who expect different results from doing the same damn thing over again. Anyone who has taken science can tell you, the same experiments almost always produce the same results.

-Boys who play games

-Girls who play games

-People who don't know what they want

-People who expect you to read their mind

-People who only talk to you on your birthday, or theirs

-Losing contact

-Not being able to put into words the way you really feel, and then feeling like an idiot for it

-Bad customer service

-Rude people



OK, I'm done ranting. Carry on. . .

Feedback for a song I wrote, please.

You Loved Me Anyway

I was lost and Lonely
Didn't understand your plan
I didn't know how you could do it
You were just a man

You loved me anyway
When I couldn't love myself
You were by my side
I am never alone

I was in the darkness
But you could still see me
You reached out your hand
Now I understand

You loved me anyway
When I couldn't love myself
You were by my side
I am never alone

I was blind, now I see
You brought out the Spirit in me

You loved me anyway
When I couldn't love myself
You were by my side
I am never alone

Well, I just heard the news on the radio. President Faust passed away this morning. Very sad. :( He will definitely be missed.

Another day, another dollar, right? Well, I just found out they are going to make my job even harder, and add on more stuff for me to do, but, no pay raise. Just, "Oh, you're going to learn to do Mel's job. New receptionist? Not yet. Just deal with it for a couple of months." Ha! Right! Like I don't have enough to do already. And, to top it all off, my computer sucks! It is sooooooooo slllllooooowwww.

Anyway. . . On to other news. . .

I think I'm becoming a totally different person. I mean, not literally. :) But, a lot of the things that used to bug me, don't bug me anymore, and a lot of the things that never would have bothered me in the past, almost bring me to tears. What is it with my life right now? I've been trying to be a better person. You know, going to church, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, and not watching rated "R" movies. But, I still can't explain how it's changing me. I'm sure it's a good thing.

Well, it's Wednesday morning, and, well, it feels like it should be Friday. It has been a long hard week already. Sad day, I still have two more days of work before I get a day of rest, plus a night of rehearsal. Oh well, anyway. . .

Those of you who read this blog often will note that I have had several dreams that were prophetic. I actually have them quite a lot, but I don't usually remember them until I have feelings of deja vu. Well, I had one of those dreams last night, I think. I don't want to be too personal on here, but, it involved a boy, and that's about all I'm going to say. It was one of those dreams that is so real that when you wake up, you don't realize it was just a dream until about the time you start eating your breakfast, or when you're halfway through your shower. And, I think a lot of you will know what I'm talking about.

Anywho. . . So, it's been kind of weird the past couple of days. I think I'm going through one of my "girly" phases. I wake up, and the first thing I think about is what I'm going to wear that day. If you know me, you know that is not me. I never care about what I'm wearing, or what I look like. But, this morning, I couldn't find the skirt I wanted to wear, and I almost cried. I mean, it's not like I don't have other black skirts, I just really wanted to wear this one. Usually, when I get up, the first thing I do is put my contacts in, then throw my hair in a pony tail, and then go and just grab the first clean clothes I can find. This morning I was almost late to work because I actually took time to style my hair, and pick out nice clothes. I just don't understand it. . . I feel exactly the same as I always did, but, it's like, inside, I'm starting to care what people think of me, which has never happened before. I've always been my own person, who wears what she wants, when she wants. Who cares if my clothes match or not? Certainly not me. But, apparently my sub-conscious cares. :P

Anyway. . . Moving on. I think that's all I need to rant about today.

So, it's been an odd couple of months. My last post was in Mid June, and quite a bit has happened since then. Anyone who reads this will note that I deleted that last post, and a couple others that it pertained to. I just didn't want that private part of my life out there anymore, you know?

Anyway, something interesting happened to me this morning. I signed in to gmail, like I do every morning, and I saw a link at the top of the page that interested me. Anyone who uses gmail knows that they post links to recent news stories on the top of the page, and, every so often, I click on one. The one this morning was about a shooting in Newark New Jersey. Four kids, not much younger than I, got shot. Three died almost instantly, and another is in the hospital in critical condition, after being shot in the head. I was reading this at my desk, and I just started crying. Now, I'm a pretty emotional person, and a lot of things will make me cry, but, this just hurt. They interviewed members of the victims families, and I just wanted to be there with them.

So much bad stuff has happened lately in our world. This was just the proverbial icing on the cake. I don't know, maybe I care too much, but, sometimes it's really hard to get up in the morning knowing that it's just going to be another day where something really bad will happen. Most of the time we all just live in our happy little worlds, not even knowing what is going on around us. I guess that what really makes me sad is the fact that, most of us haven't experienced any of these tragedies first hand, but a lot of us are walking around acting like we got the short end of the stick. Maybe I'm not married, but I'm alive, and I live a relatively good life. I have lots of friends who care about me. My family loves me.

The end is near, but, my end isn't.